Adoption support

As someone who has been adopted and someone who has adopted children, I want to use this page to talk about the subject of adoption.

Because I was adopted and have a heart to rescue the children of this world, I can’t remember a time when I did not want to adopt.  It has been on my heart since childhood.  It was so important to me that when I was dating my husband I made sure that he was just as passionate about adoption as I was.  When my husband was equally welcome to the idea of adoption, I knew that someday we would adopt.  The idea of adoption was not a “second” choice if  we couldn’t conceive, but it was a compelling yearning to fulfill the declaration of God’s Word in the book of James…”true religion is this…caring for widows and orphans in their distress”. 

We had 2 biological children with 11 years of unexplained infertility.  I believe this infertility was also due to my prayers that I would not get pregnant if that child would not walk with God.  I have continued to pray that God would send us children who would have a tender heart and teachable spirit. 

Six years after our 2nd child’s birth, we adopted a little girl from Romania. Our Romanian daughter was 4 years old and came to us with many problems…physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially.  She has come a long way since then, but it has been a tough and long road…one that we are not done traveling on.  We have encountered rage, kicking, spitting and screaming.  We have encountered days of despair and agony and longing for healing.  Yet, God has revealed more to me about my own sin and “issues” as I have had to deal with my daughter, in a way that I wasn’t able to really see prior to adopting her.  I have been deeply refined and am thankful for what I have learned.

FAILURES:

I have felt like giving up so many times that I can’t count.  It has consumed every ounce of my being.  It has broken me down to nothing and left me dry and empty on many days. But, I am reminded that parenthood is a COVENANT, not a contract that can be broken.  Having said that, I know that there are situations that need serious professional help, but that doesn’t mean that you need to walk away from being their parent.  If there is anyone out there who feels despair over their adoption experience, please, please know that I  am hear to listen and not judge, but provide truthful and hopeful advice.

PROCESS of WAITING:

We waited 13 months for our foreign adoption.  We waited 3 years for our next adoption of our 2 little boys.  All I can say is that waiting is hard, but not fruitless.  If I believe that God is Sovereign and in control (which I do), then I must choose to TRUST and REST in HIS time and in HIS way. 

INSENSITIVE COMMENTS FROM OTHERS:

This is tough.  Some people mean well, but don’t really think before commenting, while others are just speaking out of an unmerciful heart.  Here are some hurtful comments that I have heard:

1. I think it’s great you are adopting;  I just couldn’t take in a child that is not one of my own. (ALL children are on LOAN from God…and why couldn’t you love another child if they didn’t have your genes?  Isn’t that a bit egotistical?)

2. Aren’t you worried about what kind of problems they could have? (worry is a sin…but if I do worry, I would have to say that I worry about “problems” that my biological kids may have too.  Hey, “problems” do not just occur to adopted kids.)

3.  Why don’t you just send money to help these kids rather than adopting them?  (Ok, that would be faster and less painful, but God has chosen to use Families as a means to display the Gospel and the concept of redemption). 

4.  If you want to adopt that’s your choice, but don’t ask me to help. (adoption can be wonderful way for the Body of Christ to share in the joy of redeeming a life through financially partnering with a family…what a great way to spend your money… INVEST in the life of a CHILD!)

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Published on May 7, 2009 at 4:25 am  Leave a Comment  

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